This Was Not Meant To Be Seen
I wrote “Old Friends” for me. I wrote it to help remind me that I have been on both sides of depression and anxiety. It was not meant to be seen; it was not meant to help anyone else through their challenges. It was a way for me to cope with my own anxiety. This year has been a colossal roller coater of emotions and trials. I have had super high ups and very low downs where I could barely crawl. Then I was challenged to contribute, and I thought, maybe I should share some of the stories about how I triumphed over my lows and give encouragement to all.
When I sat down to write, nothing came to mind. I asked for a bit more time even to accept the challenge and here I sit on the last day of the week writing this blurb about a poem I never wanted to share.
Why Share It?
So, why did I decide to share it? Because, when you look at all the blogs, articles and “whatever” that is out there about getting through dark times, they all say the same thing; “you are not alone”, “me too”, “It will pass”, “Meditate”, etc. etc. etc… To me all those things are great but when I am in the thick of it, all I can think is, “None of it matters, I can’t think straight, I can’t think at all and who the f* can actually ever shut their thoughts down and get out of their head”.
I am a Reiki 3 Master, a tarot reader, a path worker, and a minister. I am a person many turn to for help when depressed. I suffer from it too. It is how I empathize, how I can know so intimately what others go through. No, it’s not the same for me as for them, experiences are always different, but it does allow me to break free from societal views of what is normal and acceptable.
We Can Learn To Accept All Of Our Self
I wrote “Old Friends” while crawling into my waiting boat, while trying to swim instead of treading the waters. What helps me the most is being able to embrace that aspect of myself that jumps off the boat and floats just beneath the surface. To empathize with it, accept it and work with it. Because I know when I come out of it, I shine and then I can be there for others.
The cycle is a constant reminder for me that there is always hope if we can learn to accept all of our self, and to empathize with our self and not just for others. So, I am posting this on the share blog for me, as a step towards crawling back into that light.
If you can find comfort in it then I am thankful for the opportunity to be there for you.
I fight daily to break through the darkness
It has a hold deep within me
A legacy built over decades
Darkness comes and settle in
I feel comfortable within it
It knows I fear the being in the light
It has cultivated that fear over decades
The Darkness knows the light can be blinding
It protects me from being seen
Keeps me hidden from the world
Every once in awhile
I find the strength to fight back and then
the darkness leaves me
and I am able to slowly break free
from the suffocation of its engulfing wings
that keep my head just below the surface
watching the world float by
while I sit back wanting to participate
unable to even move, for the darkness holds me tight
When I break free, it will leave me for a time
and in that time the light is warm and inviting
I can let myself be seen
I feel strong, loved and confident
I know the darkness will return
for it always does
We are old friends darkness and I
It is knowing that I can always break free
knowing I have done it before
knowing that I am not alone
when I am in the light and most importantly
that I am not alone in the dark
This is what helps me get through
This is how I gain the strength to break free
To pull myself out of the water I am treading
and back onto the boat of the world that
has just been waiting for me to regain my strength
I know the darkness will come again
because we are old friends
darkness and I
the light, the warm inviting light
is also an old friend of mine
Rebecca Gamble, co-owner of Spiral Pathworks, is a Reiki 3 Master, a tarot reader with over 20 years experience in divination, a path worker, and a minister. Rebecca offers Tarot readings and instruction, Reiki healing, house blessings, and chakra balancing services.
For more info about Rebecca Gamble and the services she offers click here.